{"id":264,"date":"2014-09-11T13:12:04","date_gmt":"2014-09-11T20:12:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/diannebarker.com\/?p=264"},"modified":"2017-09-29T22:02:28","modified_gmt":"2017-09-30T05:02:28","slug":"celebrating-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/diannebarker.com\/?p=264","title":{"rendered":"Celebrating Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"

Today my husband and I celebrate our 49th anniversary. We married young without any teaching on how to make a marriage flourish or counseling on building relationships. Couples stayed together because they\u2019d made a vow to God\u2014only death would separate them. Extended family, the church, the community, and the culture supported that commitment.<\/h3>\n

Although James and I had been in church all our lives, we didn\u2019t know how to apply biblical principles to daily life. And we had no concept of the depth of love God intended for marriage. I studied the Bible, hoping to find a list, \u201cTen Commandments for a Successful Marriage.\u201d I didn\u2019t find it, but I discovered the Bible overflowed with relationship principles.<\/h3>\n

\u201cA gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger\u201d (Prov. 15:1).<\/h3>\n

\u201cDo not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up\u2026Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger\u2026Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you\u201d (Eph. 4:26-32).<\/h3>\n

\u201cAbove all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins\u201d (1 Pet. 4:8).<\/h3>\n

What a surprise to discover that putting God\u2019s instructions into practice in my life had nothing to do with my husband! My<\/em> anger is my<\/em> issue with the Lord. My<\/em> critical spirit is my<\/em> issue with the Lord. My<\/em> stinkin\u2019 attitude is my<\/em> issue with the Lord. If my husband has an anger problem, a critical spirit, a stinkin\u2019 attitude, his issues are with the Lord, not me. At the end of the day, I am accountable only for my<\/em> life of obedience.<\/h3>\n

When I became concerned with my<\/em> individual, personal walk of obedience, I found doing what God says not only made me happy but also blessed my marriage. Only two essentials are required for a flourishing marriage:
\n\u2022 A conviction that God has a standard of conduct for our lives.
\n\u2022 A desire to live that way\u2014to walk in obedience to His Word.<\/h3>\n

I found this in Leviticus 22:31 Amplified. \u201cSo shall you heartily accept my commandments and conform your life and conduct to them. I am the Lord.\u201d<\/h3>\n

One person in the relationship, willing to obey the Lord, can by his grace change the relationship. Time, maturity, and following Christ made amazing changes in both of us as the Lord quietly worked, doing his typical Ephesians 3:20, \u201cimmeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.\u201d<\/h3>\n

Marriage problems are a spiritual problem\u2014failure of one or both spouses to put God\u2019s principles into practice. That\u2019s a moment-by-moment choice\u2026a personal choice.<\/h3>\n

To begin a marriage transformation, try paraphrasing Ephesians 4:26-32. \u201cDo not let any unwholesome talk come out of your<\/em> mouth, but only what is helpful for building up your spouse\u2026you<\/em> get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger\u2026you<\/em> be kind and compassionate to your spouse, forgiving, just as in Christ God forgave you.\u201d<\/h3>\n

About sixty percent of married couples, including Christians, are calling it quits. I\u2019m grieved and baffled by that statistic and feel an urgency to do something to help couples anchor their marriage against the divorce tidal wave. I have a book coming soon: Help! I\u2019m Stuck and I Can\u2019t Get Out! The Maximum Marriage Maintenance and Repair Kit.<\/em><\/h3>\n

It\u2019s my conviction that couples would work harder to stay together if they saw themselves as stuck<\/em>. What would you do if you knew you were stuck in this marriage for fifty years? Wouldn\u2019t it make sense to do everything within your<\/em> power to make it as sweet as it could be?<\/h3>\n

If I bought a house with the intention of spending five decades there, I\u2019d gather tools and paint and start to work making the place as comfortable and pleasant as I could make it. Instead of wasting time griping about all the features I didn\u2019t get, I\u2019d appreciate what I got\u2014after all, I chose this house for its appealing qualities\u2014and I\u2019d give my best to turning it into everything I dreamed.<\/h3>\n

Our Lord said when a man and woman are joined in marriage, \u201c\u2026the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate\u201d (Matt. 19: 5-6). I understand that to mean don\u2019t let anyone separate you\u2026ever. Someone said marriage is like gluing two pieces of paper together. You can\u2019t rip them apart without damaging both.<\/h3>\n

We only have three options: escape (divorce); endure (tough it out); enrich (make it the best it can be). Why not consider yourself stuck in this marriage? Don\u2019t waste time looking for fine-print loopholes and an easy escape route. Get out the tools and paint and start to work!<\/h3>\n

As long as divorce is an option, we will never fully invest in our marriage. Why bother, if we\u2019re not sure we\u2019re staying the course?<\/h3>\n

Happy anniversary, James Barker, the love of my life!<\/h3>\n

Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it:<\/em>
\n except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.<\/em>
\nPsalm 127:1<\/h3>\n

\u00a9 Dianne Barker 2014<\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today my husband and I celebrate our 49th anniversary. We married young without any teaching on how to make a marriage flourish or counseling on building relationships. Couples stayed together because they\u2019d made a vow to God\u2014only death would separate them. Extended family, the church, the community, and the culture supported that commitment. Although James […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-264","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"yoast_head":"\nCelebrating Marriage - Dianne Barker<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/diannebarker.com\/?p=264\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Celebrating Marriage - Dianne Barker\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Today my husband and I celebrate our 49th anniversary. 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